If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize