my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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