me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
