I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
