Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
