Just cropdusted the office
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
