she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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