Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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