I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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