WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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