Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
