i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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