Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
