i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
