i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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