Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
