I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Alive.
So much puke
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
