xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
