I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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