Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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