btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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