I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
