WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
