If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize