Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
