I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
