Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
