party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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