i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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