Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
