I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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