If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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