I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm getting married
To pizza
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
