im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
