it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
