I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
