so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize