By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
