who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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