chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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