By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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