we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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