Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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