When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
