I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
