FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
