I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
