you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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