I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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