just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
