I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize