I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
