i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
