i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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