He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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