i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
