saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
