is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
