it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
