he thought i was a dude.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
