remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
