I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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