dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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