I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
