I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
