i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize