I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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