she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
