a search helicopter?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize