They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
