Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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