and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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