I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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