What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
