I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
