Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
